My upcoming marriage, and why I’m not like other (most?) brides

Dear World,

Social media, Hollywood, and general old-fashioned word-of-mouth tell me that I am supposed to behave a certain way as a bride-to-be. I should be various levels of stressed at all times and overbearing and domineering. I am supposed to be both crafty and stylish. I should be on some kind of extreme diet or weight-loss routine. My fiancé should be uninterested, even reticent in the wedding planning. I should be extremely concerned with the colours matching EXACTLY as I want them and other minute details.

“What’s that you say? The bridesmaids dresses don’t match their shoes and their flowers and the carpet in the church and the hair ribbons of the grandmother’s first cousin’s daughter in law?”

I am a twenty-something and so of course, I want to host a beautiful wedding, the wedding my ten-year-old self imagined. And I am in fact waist-deep in plans involving gift bags and handmade envelopes and such. But in a world that values the material, I’m trying to think of the intangible. If pressed, I would absolutely choose to hold JUST the ceremony and get rid of the reception entirely. The ceremony is the REASON to have the reception, so that is just gravy. My fiancé and I have decided to declare our love for each other to the entire world. That is worth celebrating, of course, but first we have to make that important declaration. I find that people miss that, they forget that in their haste to get to the party. I am NOT getting married just to throw a party. I get terribly offended when I hear people say that they won’t sit through a ceremony that lasts longer than an hour. That is an awful way to show support. It is like skipping dinner and going straight for dessert. Yes, you get the instant sweetness of the sugary dessert, but you’re missing the ultimately more satisfying and nourishing meal. If your meal is done well enough, maybe you won’t even want dessert, right?

My marriage is going to be more beautiful than my wedding. I am marrying my best friend. I want my closest friends and family to be there to share in something that means more to me than words could ever express. Do you remember when you were a young child and you’d have a guest in your home? Did you ever try to haul out all of your special toys and pictures and schoolwork to show them all of your treasures? I did. I wanted to share my excitement with everyone I met. Thinking about this behaviour later, I realised that essentially I am hoping that what makes me happy will make others just as happy. I hope to create a contagious excitement so that everyone around me is in the best possible mood. So now, instead of showing everyone the drawing that I made in school that week, I am sharing my wedding day with the world, or at least the small part of it that I touch.

I will admit, I get a little carried away in my excitement. It is possible that I bounce when I’m really happy. Lately, I bounce and smile from ear to ear all the time. But I am standing on the edge of something that is so exhilarating and enchanting so can you blame me? My fiancé helps in every single decision in this wedding (ummm, or well, almost. He didn’t help me pick out my gown.) and I know that makes him unlike most grooms as well. They say that the wedding day is all about the bride. Well that is terrible. It is about the couple, as a new entity. We are calling it The Wedding of Awesome, because we already know it will be the astounding spectacle that announces something really special. We’re hoping to embarrass our kids one day with how lovey dovey we are.

photo credit: <a href=”″>KATHRYN AND BRIAN EXIT THE WEDDING RECEPTION</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>(license)</a&gt;


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