0400: Wander the Redhead House, contemplating deep thoughts about salmon.
0500: Snooze lightly on the end of the bed, in between Daddy’s legs or on Mommy’s shoulders.
0530: Make as much noise as possible to gain the attention of the Daddy, to make sure he knows I’m starving. (My food bowl developed a hole during the night, obviously.)
0600: Supervise Daddy as he gets ready for work and then sit on the Mommy so she knows I’m still there to look after her.
0730: Meow loudly at the sun. Or the birds outside. Or the dust bunnies in the corners. Let them know who is boss.
0830: Find mommy. Sit and chat with her and tell her the steps to curing the common cold. Proceed to following her from room to room all day long. If she stays in one room too long, just check on her from time to time.
0930: Run like a bat out of Hell from room to room for no reason.
1030: Stare out the glass door, keeping an eye out for intruders or worse, the snowshoe cat from next door who seems to like taunting me. Head butt the door if she comes in the yard.
1130: Have a snack. Drink water, but only by dunking my paws in the water bowl and then licking them. Like a lady.
1230: Start the day’s bathing. Make sure to clean every hair at least seven times. If you are finished before midnight, start over.
1330: Sleep. Keep in mind, this is only a slight break from the bath.
1430: Start looking for Daddy to come home. Look out the front and back doors, just in case he surprises us. Chat excitedly to Mommy.
1530: Sit with Daddy on his lap while he’s at his computer desk, possibly walk on his keyboard if not enough attention is given to the belly rubs. Tell him all about the bath you took today and how you’ll finish it later.
1630: Look out the back door for the tiny animal that lives under the shed. Scare it away if it rears its ugly head by making puffy sounds and putting my ears flat against my head.
1730: Supervise Mommy as she cooks dinner. Politely demand that cheese is dropped on the floor for my evening snack. If the cheese is not immediately dropped, ignore anything that she ends up donating because punctuality is key.
1830: Offer my skills in taste testing dinner as they’re eating it. Make sure to get as close as possible to their plates. Drink their drinks if they smell like water or milk.
1930: Continue that bath. All. Night. Long. Alternate between sitting on Mommy and Daddy. Keep them wanting more.